My Darkest Eating Disorder

Eating disorder. I think it’s so common amongst us right now.

any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits (such as anorexia nervosa).

Well, just talking about Singapore context. I mean, it happens and as a friend, we might not be aware. I can’t tell for sure why do people have this, I mean, there are various reasons. Well for me? I have no idea either. I know that, my body is rejecting food.

Anyway, stats wise:

Once thought to be an exclusive female concern, currently, an estimated 10 to 15 per cent of those affected are male. In Singapore, numbers of individuals affected by eating disorders are on the rise. There was a significant increase in the number of patients battling eating disorders, which include anorexia , bulimia, binge eating disorder and Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified  (EDNOS). Another hospital, the KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital, has indicated that the number of patients with eating disorders has increased by approximately a third in a five-year period. (source)

Anyway, I had my fair share of experience. I know mine is mild. Because I know it is happening to me and I am constantly ensuring I am eating. But when I don’t eat. I even get frustrated  when people force me to. I literally vomit it out to get it out of my system. This is a dark side I never really like to talk about.

The times I feel I should stop eating or consuming is very very dark. I instill these thoughts that was quite insane that I was so fat I shouldn’t be even breathing. I exercise a lot to slim down. But during this dark period. I told myself I cannot exercise and will not. Because it will literally kill me someday if I continued.

And thankfully due to the fact that I was aware of this thing that is on-going, I talked to my friends about it. They take turns to keep me in check. That’s really a start. Really.

So to every single soul who are struggling with food. I would like to tell you. It is not a thing in the world to be ashamed of. Talk to your close friends. (You know some friends are just pure fucked up, they laugh at you when you have issues. Therefore, choose friends wisely), nonetheless, my awesome close friends, sort of slowly bring me to eat and make sure I have something to eat even just a little.

A shoutout to every BFF on earth for taking care of your BFF.

So, everyone, don’t hesitate if you are having problems. Really. Talk to your close friends first. And work out from there. The most important part would be the part where you finally agree with yourself you are having problem. I know it’s difficult. Everyone isn’t perfect, so we are working towards perfection, conquer your flaws first.

 

xoxo, D

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