I mean there’s always a friend who doesn’t say ‘No’ to you.
When you need this friend to help you on your essays or assignments.
When you need this friend to accompany you get your essentials.
When you need this friend to be there to a listening ear.
When you need this friend to solve practically any problems.
This person is there.
Well, I am sort of such a person. But it doesn’t get me anywhere much. Because it usually ends up as a one way street. Whenever I need help, not everyone is there. And I tend to blame myself to be able to give so much and had nothing left for myself. And blame myself because I expected people to care enough to give back.
Here’s how you learn to say No.
1. It’s their problem
Be reminded, it’s their problem. Not yours. If they are not helping themselves, you shouldn’t too.
I always thought if I worked harder to solve their problem, they will understand the importance and seriousness of the problem. But this isn’t always true. Sometimes people take it for granted knowing whenever they fall back you are there to catch them. When they hit the wall they have you to go to. Knowing you would fix it all.
But as a girl who is learning how to say ‘No’, we must be constantly reminded the fact that we are not obliged to say Yes to everything they need. It is their problem and if they are not bothered by it, we shouldn’t ever offer our help or accept the fact they need help and jump right in to solve it.
2. You have to choose yourself FIRST
You must always be your top priority. Don’t place anyone above yourself. It would not be “it’s all worth it” kind of thing.
I sacrificed a lot to help people out. I forgo my sleeping hours. I give up my own alone time, time with people who are worth my time to try and do everything in my means to fix it. But all I ever get was pure tired-ness, trying to nurse my health back into shape after working so damn hard. (My health isn’t good to begin with)
So learn to tell yourself you are the most important. No one is going to remember what you have sacrifice for them. Because you are of such a person you don’t even mention your sacrifices for anyone to know. But you know deep down, they don’t care, as long as you fix their problems.
3. It is alright to say NO
Don’t have to feel guilty when you rejected to help them. It is totally fine. You are only sharing your helping hand, it does not mean you have to always help your friend out. They have their own ways to solve it. They have to learn how to fix it themselves.
If you are like me, baby sitting the people that aren’t worth your time. You will end up back to square one, as they will keep asking for help where you have no beneficial from it. I am not saying everything needs benefit. I mean benefits like your friend being appreciative to your help is also a form of benefit alright?!
So people, don’t. Just say NO if you feel like it. You don’t have to be everyone else’s goddess or superwoman. Sometimes you can just be yourself, the weak and selfish one.